Why There Will Be Days We Want To Hide Away

May 30, 2017 Rachel Rowell

Source: Why There Will Be Days We Want To Hide Away

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Hi! Thanks for stopping by! If I could sit for an hour or two and have coffee with you, these words written down here are much of what I would say. Mostly you would hear me say, "Me too. You are not crazy and you are definitely not the only one." It is my hope that these frail and honest words of mine wrap around your soul like a big ole' comfy blanket, and that you leave this space feeling a little more hope and encouragement.. and just a little less alone.

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Comment “yes” if you think we are gonna come out of this time even better than we went in.

I feel like my small world is waiting for me to speak some deep perspective into this whole situation and some day maybe I will, but right now I’m honestly just like - Y’all. Everything is just weird. Like, I feel like I’m living a real life episode of Groundhog Day. This quarantine life means I change out of one pair of comfy clothes to another and shower daily for the sole purpose of not stinking. I wash my hair, shave my legs and put on makeup just to feel like a semi-attractive human being once a week and no more because it is literally pointless except to give my hubby at least one day of eye candy and me not looking like I’m ready to join a homeless shelter for deranged women. I literally haven’t left my house to go ANYwhere in over a week and I go to bed and wake up at weird hours, like this is my life at 10:30am when I should have hours of productivity under my belt, instead I’m still curled up in bed with my dog and both my kids are still asleep not doing their school like total losers. I SHOULD be up being productive and getting them on their chores and schoolwork but the truth is, is it even really gonna matter that much when anything gets done? Are we actually going anywhere? Seeing anyone, doing anything before the year 2057? Like, does life even have a point right now? 🤣 I want to use this time to do all the things. Organize my house, do projects I never had time to do, get my life together, write a book, finish my degree, start an exercise routine to lift my booty back up where it belongs before summer hits in like 6 weeks - but right now I just feel like I’m trapped in the matrix and I’ll never get out again. So does whether my butt is enlarging and heading south really even matter in the grand scheme of things right now? NO. I feel very unfocused, scattered, like someone pressed the pause button in my brain and I’m struggling to move forward and I keep asking myself, “should I be praying some spirit of apathy and laziness off my life?” Because this is definitely NOT me. I am not feeling fearful or anxious, but be honest this whole thing has me feeling majorly thrown off kilter and I have no idea WHAT THE HECK I’m doing with my life

{written by a mom friend of mine who is fighting stage 4 cancer} “If I could go back two years ago, I would in a heartbeat. To have the knowledge that I have now (some of it terrifying)... I would do anything to PRESERVE MY HEALTH FROM THIS HORRIFIC DISEASE! I WOULD BE MUCH MORE SERIOUS ABOUT SPIRITUAL HEALING AND EPHESIANS 6! I would not sweat the small stuff... I'm in progress to becoming more Type B than type A the last 6 years. I would swim in the chlorine pool more & detox later teaching my littles to swim rather than worrying about messing up my hair or how I would look in a swimsuit. I would love more & yell less. I would try to pray more authentically. Clean less. Go outside more. Focus and listen to my husband as soon as he gets home everyday. I had no real worries then but I was always stressed. Stress less. Just laugh & love so much more because when it is all taken away you realize all the little things of life were in fact the big things.”

Real life marriage moment. He went in to work at 2 am and came home at 1. I don’t have them often these days, but my morning has just been one of those mornings - as if a heavy fog of discouragement settled over me while I slept and I woke up feeling so depleted in both my spirit and my body. Feeling my own twinges of shame that my morning has been wildly unproductive, He didn’t make me feel bad for not having myself together and getting stuff done, and crawled into bed next to me - and like a dam that needed a release, silent tears rushed down my face. No words to try and fix my world or give advice, just a tight embrace and a simple a prayer of intercession for me was his only response. “.....Amen”. I felt peace flood over our room as his breathing changed and he fell fast asleep. His job wasn’t to fix me, but simply to be a safe place for me and to carry me to the Father. ***************** Sometimes what our spouse needs most isn’t for us to fix anything or to know all the answers - it is the simple power of our unconditional love, our presence, and our prayers. What simple act of love can we offer to bring a measure of peace and healing to our spouse today? How can we stop trying to change them or change things for them and instead, carry them to the Father and let Him do all the work? When it comes to our spouse, are we truly a safe place for them at their worst? If not, we have some work to do because it is worth it.

“Attitude makes the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.”

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